Relationship Advice To Who? – 003/365

So, today was weird. I did a thing, and gave relationship advice to my ex.

It may not seem like a huge deal, but I never give advice. EVER! Honestly, I think I’m a terrible advice giver, especially when it’s relationship advice. I often struggle with the right words to say, despite having so many different experiences. But, this time felt different.

It all started with a conversation about needing new friends…to which he responded that he needed a girlfriend. I reminded him that he’s a great catch… (Because…why not? We didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t perfect for someone else, right?)

Then, I proceeded to tell him about the little things that I’ve noticed about him as a person over the years. Things that would definitely ruin any relationship. Things that he may not have noticed about himself. I assured him that there is someone out there who is capable of understanding him.

Basically, I said that we all have natural reactions to relationships. In order to succeed in a relationship, you have recognize and understand your natural reaction. You have to figure out why you react that way, then find a solution. Is it easy? Sometimes no, but therapy is a godsend.

For example: Through therapy, I have learned that my natural reaction is to push people away when I feel like they are too close to capturing my heart. The why traces back to my childhood. As the youngest of six, I often felt forgotten or unloved. I was shy, so I didn’t have many friends. And overall, I really started to like being alone. Therapy has helped me recognize when I’m pushing people away. For me, I start arguments or I just flat out stop talking to you, sometimes going as far as changing my phone number and blocking people on social media. The solution? Yeah…I’m still working on that.

The best advice that I have to give is: If you really want something to work, you have to take the time to understand yourself first. If you don’t get you, then how can you expect someone else to?

Damn, I love therapy, lol.

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4 comments

  1. The guy I’m with now (the background story is one for Lifetime movies) I gave relationship advice to. It was weird but before we became a thing again, it didn’t hurt to sometimes tell the truth to those we care and respect. I give relationship advice but I will first expose all that there is about the person who’s asking because there’s 3 sides to a story. Their side, your side, and the truth.

    Therapy is another conversation but after my third therapist – I PROMOTE THERAPY! Hoping to be in couples therapy sometime this year too.

  2. People have told me that I’m great at giving advice. However, I often find that I have a difficult time solving my own issues. It’s such a weird thing. Much like you, I often felt forgotten, except I’m the eldest. I guess my family didn’t think that they had to worry about me much. I was pretty independent, even as a child. This really carried on into adulthood. I prefer to spend a lot of my time alone and I’ve come to realize that maybe I have such difficulty solving my own issues because I need some guidance and a shoulder to lean on too. It’s definitely a work in progress.

  3. I am the complete opposite. I think that I’m the worst at giving advice. Most of the time, I can’t even follow my own.

    That’s awesome advice though.

  4. That was very sweet. I think that I am pretty good at giving advice. Sometimes hearing it from someone else is all what you need. When I was going to to therapy for trust issues having a third party talk about it and seeing it a different way really helped me.

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